"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."

"Cute as a sack full of puppies."

"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."

"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."

"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."

"Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

"A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."

"When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."

"A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor."

"She's uglier than homemade soap."

"Your momma's so fat, when she got on the scales to be weighed, it said 'To be continued'."

"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."

"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"

"I'm just about as welcome at my inlaws as a hair in a biscuit."