Set
up a mouse trap at the foot of the bed each
night so that if you move a toe one inch
while you are sleeping, you are sure to
get snapped.
Cover
all your best suits with cat hair. Dark
suits must use white hair, and light suits
must use dark hair. Also, float some hair
in your first cup of coffee in the morning.
Put
everything cat-toy sized into a water bowl
to marinate.
Practice cutting your chicken into teeny
tiny bites so that when they steal, it won't
be the whole breast.
Tip
over a basket of clean laundry, and scatter
clothing all over the floor.
Leave
your underwear on the living room floor,
because that's where the cat will drag it
anyway (especially when you have company).
Jump
out of your chair shortly before the end
of your favorite TV program and run to the
TV shouting "No! No! Don't chew on
the electric cord!" Miss the end of
the program.
Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the
corner of the living room in the morning
and don't try to clean it up until you return
from work that evening.
Gouge
the surface of the dining room table several
times with an exacto knife. It's going to
get scratched anyway.
Practice
searching every closet and open cabinet
door before you shut it.
Knock
all small items off your kitchen counter.
Chew
the eraser off every pencil in the house.
Take a fork and shred the roll of toilet
paper while it's still hanging up. Pull
a few sheets off and scatter them around
the bathroom.
Take
a staple remover and punch two holes in
every scrap of paper around the house.
Get
a litter tray without a lid and mix in some
tootsie rolls with cat litter and then tip
it over right before the company comes.
Make sure your guests get to find this before
you do.
Buy
a mixed bag of cat toys and stuff them under
the refrigerator. Practice getting up at
2:00AM and fishing them out with a ruler
or broom stick.
Take
a warm cuddly blanket out of the dryer and
immediately wrap it around yourself. This
is the feeling you will get when your new
cat falls asleep on your lap.
There
now, once you've done all these, you've
passed the test, and are ready to take on
that little furry critter!
