-
Any fake phone number a girl gave
you would automatically forward your call to her real
number.
- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed
an acceptable response to "I love you."
-
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what
was your name again?" cards.
-
When your girlfriend really needed
to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a
little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
-
Breaking up would be a lot easier.
A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll
get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
-
Birth control would come in ale or
lager.
-
Each year, your raise would be pegged
to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
-
The funniest guy in the office would
get to be CEO.
-
"Sorry I'm late, but I got really
wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse
for tardiness.
-
At the end of the workday, a whistle
would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide
down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your
car like Fred Flintstone.
-
It'd be considered harmless fun to
gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage
a nearby town.
-
Lifeguards could remove citizens from
beaches for violating the "public ugliness"
ordinance.
-
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
-
Garbage would take itself out.
-
Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer
biceps."
-
Instead of an expensive engagement
ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant
foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
-
Valentine's Day would be moved to
February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
-
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your
shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
-
St. Patrick's Day, however, would
remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated
every month.
-
"Cops" would be broadcast
live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing
cops Or to the crooks.
-
Two words: Ally McNaked.
-
Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained
to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge
for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world
history.
-
The only show opposite "Monday
Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football
From A Different Camera Angle."
-
It would be perfectly legal to steal
a sports car, as long as you returned it the following
day with a full tank of gas.
-
Every man would get four real "Get
Out of Jail Free" cards per year.
-
Faucets would run "Hot,"
"Cold," and "100 proof."
-
Daisy Duke shorts would never again
go out of style.
-
Telephones would automatically cut
off after 30 seconds of conversation.
