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How
to Be Handy
Around the House

If
you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife.
If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.
Try
to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

Despite what you may have been told
by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home
repair ...
but only if you are working alone.
Work
in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there,
its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

If it's electronic, get a new one ...
or consult a twelve-year-old.
Stay
simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse;
see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on"
switch;
or just paint over it.

Always take credit for miracles. If
you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly
starts working,
you have healed it.
Regardless
of what people say, kicking, pounding,
and throwing sometimes DOES help.

If something looks level, it is level.
If
at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid,
but it works,
then it isn't stupid.
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