Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...

Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
He couldn't find any D-L-O-O-B...

What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
High spirits...

How do you make a witch scratch?
Just take away the W...