Whew! I must have left the top off the permanent marker.

I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
and envisioning a new paradigm!
This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!

I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands.

I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
I'm in the management training program.

Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off.

I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP).
I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!

They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.

I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.
Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?

The coffee machine is broken....

Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.
Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!

The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so
I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.